I am cloud

This isn't a volcano top
It's my navel
And inside
Blisters hot lava
Bring your lips to the smoke
And drink me up
Later
When you sit, legs folded, in meditation
I'll lick your red hot throat

The hummingbird hangs
On my parted lips
Relentlessly
It goes on
Catch it between your fingers
And push it in
Break it's neck like a twig

My skin folds and piles
And from between my breasts
They arise
Marching in a line
One after the other
Little ants
Queen deprived
Blow on them
And don't be gentle
Turn them in to a heap
On my thighs

The hyenas they eat my guts
Their ears all pricked up
They think me dead
Till the moment I sit up
As they scramble away
I am left hollow inside
Hunt them down for me
Cut them up
Before they digest my intestines

In this magic show
I am levitating
My hair hangs above the ground
Master is feeling me up
His hands caress my behind
Do your trick
Make him disappear
And one by one
Let the curtains fall

Look at me
I am floating no more
I am cotton candy
I am cloud

My love
Till the ground
Scatter the seeds
Erect the scarecrow
Watch the birds shit in fright
And one morning
The cloud will be alive
Thunder and lightning
And grey grey skies
Then it will rain, all night

With the first drop
That hits the ground
Will spring forth our fragrance
And I'll be in your arms
Biting your lips
Till they bleed
With all my might
while it rains, all night








Artwork by Shailendra Sahu

:(

I found an old poem today
I had written it years back
On this very day

This day that never ends
The night that never descends 

How long will I live in that afternoon
How long will it take for me to flip the calendar

Why is it that I don't feel time
Why does it still feel like today
That day
and when I crack jokes
My hands turn heavy
They weigh me down
I laugh
And sink in to the ground

I doubt if I will ever see night to that day, today
I doubt if I will ever recover

Have you ever had a day like that,
That changed you forever?
But
In the afternoon of that day
You felt warm and safe
You had no clue what was to follow
And you whipped out your pen
And made some rhymes
Two years later
You are still in that room
Still in that hollow

Only now you know you died that day
Every last breath snuffed out of you
And only now you know that you are waiting
In this purgatory
That is going to be the rest of your life
Only now you know what it feels like
To be wronged by a right

One day I will set fire to myself
I will protest
I want that day to end
Night to come
Stars to shine
Moon to wane
And a new morning
But
I know deep inside
In the new morning
My scars will shine bright
So bright
And then what will I do?
When everyone will see me
My pain in plain sight

If
If ever
That day ends
And night befalls
I shall be ashes
I shall be soot
Before the dawn
I will be long long gone

You Lucky Bastard

I am a cheap bukowski
A watered down version of thee
Wait, who am I kidding
Men who I have fallen for
Never have been in love with me

But poem after poem
I am throwing my hands up
Desperately
No
I am not drowning
I am stretching me

Man after man
Word after word
Rhyme after Rhyme
I turn in to a cheap bukowski

Remember when I abused you
And called you an asshole
(Which you are)
For turning your women in to couplets
Now
Be a decent man
At least try to be
And don't hold that against me

Because soon
I shall outnumber your women
With men
Who for some weird reason
Could never love me
I mean can you believe that!
You on the other hand
Went in
Came out
Of love
Every time
Every fucking time
They loved you back
You lucky bastard
Or that's what you would have me believe

You fucked your women
And then again in your poems
And here I am
Pathetic
Pathetically
Weaving serenades
To anyone
Who half looks at me

You had your cup full
So you spit in your metaphors
And I am all empty
Metaphors spitting on me

Divine intervention
That's what I need
Or maybe just another
Bad ass Mo Fo
To not love me

I am getting there
I'll beat your score
Wait for me
Bukowski
Bukowski
You lucky dog
With bitches too many 

Full of Empty

Blow on the glass
I'll appear
In your warm breath
Because empty is a process
And not a state
If you ask me

I sit behind a veil
You see only outlines
If you raised your hand to touch me
Putting your hand in an empty jar
That's how it would be

Empty like an empty drawer
Like a tree, birds all flown away
Or like an old factory,
Rusted and flooded

empty like the moon
And empty like the soundless space
Like an eye in flesh that can't see

If you enter me

You will arrive
On a platform
Where the train never comes
The wind though
Creeps in
And echoes that hollow sound
That makes desolate feel empty

You can take a walk in me
A deserted Street in the afternoon
Or the centre of a rainforest
That's me
Full of empty

If you breathe me in
I will be that tiny bubble of air
Travelling in thick blood
to your heart
Carrying my own little empty
To your soul
And I guess you know
What will happen
When I reach

I am a long montage
Without music of course
Of all the empty spaces
Ever shown in cinema
And all that you can do
Is watch me
Watch me
Me
Empty 

You Are Not A Man

You are not a man
but a promise of one

Translucent
blurred by pain

This thing that is you
I see it
In your words and when you laugh

Can I just hug you?
for a long long time
Can I cry in to your shirt?
Can I tell you the darkness of my heart?

Will you please
pretty please
let me in
because I know
it is there
A lush green garden in the desert of your being
would you please
try for me
So that I know
it is possible
to still feel

When you try to convince me
that I can't touch you
your words come drifting to me
and they tell me a different story
Of a man who is not a man
but a promise of one
A shadow of his own self
An impression of his own thumb

Listen here
you beautiful stranger
we have met for a reason
you are free to take from me what I take from you
A little solace
A moment of magic
A flicker of light

When you leave
I will know you are there
and your memory will be right here
in my heart
you can keep it too
the knowledge of me

mostly
I want to hold your hand
and make you see
the vast ocean you carry
the depth of your eyes
the better man you still are
the better man you will always be

How do I know that?
because I can see
see right in to your soul
the curse that you carry
and the gaping sucking hole
right next to your heart
oh yes sir
I see

Just an after thought
I believe you have come to me
from a life lived before
to promise me
that the next life we ever see
we will know
we will be
I will save you
and you will save me

Kya ab bhi rooh pe dhabbe hain?

Apne hi alfaz paraye lagte hain

Khush dino mein gham dino ke saaye lagte hain

Kya mujhse hi hokar nikla tha ye ehsaas?

Ye jumle jaane kiske banaye lagte hain

Tapakta hai har nazm se khoon

Maazi inke chot khaye lagte hain

Kya dard ye nikal gaya?

Alfazon mein dhal gaya?

Siyahi mein beh gaya?

Kaaghaz pe baaqi reh gaya?

Kya ab bhi rooh pe dhabbe hain?

Kisina kisi ke to ye khurant lagaye lagte hain...

Dafnaun kaise in hisso ko apne

Janazein jinke kabse aaye lagte hain.

Ek nazm mein dusri dafan 

Aur dusri mein teesri

Saari dafan kardun agar aise,

Baaki rahegi ek phir bhi.

Aap to samajh hi gaye honge

Ishq ke hum sataye lagte hain.

Kisi Shaam...

Aapse puchna hai kuch
Kuch khaas nahin
Kaisa tha aapka din?
Koi shaam hai jo yaad aati hai?
Kabhi tanha laga itna, ke ro diye?
Maa ki god mein letkar kaisa lagta hai?
Kya baap se koi narazgi hai?

Subha uth te ho to sabse pehle kya karte ho?
Mint hai tumhare toothpaste mein?
Bachpan mein kaunse cartoon dekhte the?
Ab bhi dekhte ho?
garmiyon ki chuttiyan kaise bitate the?
Koi school ki picnic jispe bada maza aaya ho?
Kuch aisa kiya tumne, jiske liye pakde jaane ke dar se, dil doobne lage?
Acha chalo yahi batado,
Doga ya nagraaj?
Champak ya tinkle?
Pinki ya chacha chowdhry?

Ddlj pasand hai tumhe?
Black and white tv pe chitrahaar dekhna yaad hai?
Antenna hila hilake cricket match dekha tumne kabhi?
Pehli baar hui pehli mohabbat mein chupke milkar pehli kiss kaisi thi tumhari?
Ishq hogaya tumhe, kabhi aisa laga?
Kisike liye kuch deewangi kabhi ki tumne?
Khaali paper pe kisika naam likh,
Ghanto uspe qalam phiraya?

Saal mein kitni baar bukhaar hota hai tumhe?
Ya khaasi kabhi?
Raat mein uthke paani peetey ho?

Zindagi se jo chahiye tha, mil raha hai?
Ye to life mein karna hi hai,
Aisi koi list hai tumhari?
Wo kaunsi jagah hai jisey dekhne ki tamanna seene mein liye ghumte ho?

Meri yaad aati hai kabhi?
Chuna chahte ho mujhe?
Mujhse lipat ke sona chahoge?
Mere haathon ki bani chai ,acha baba, chai nahin coffee,
...piyoge?

Kisi shaam ye saari baatein karoge?

Pickled Heart

A clean cut
Between my breasts
And the skin parts
Like labia
The cage beneath
Has been beaten against
Blow brittle bones
In black sticky menstrual clots
In slight tremors
Of a skipped beat
Sprouting from the flesh
An old withered tree
Lies
My rotting heart
Lies
My pickled heart.

Makhmali gehra...

Kal purane messages padh rahi thi

Wo jo tum mujhe aur main tumhe,

kuch saalon se bhej rahe hain.

Likha tha maine ke khwaab mein aaye the tum,

Yaad nahin ab.

Ye khwaab bhi ajeeb hote hain,

Par haqeeqat se zara kam hi,

Jab itne saal pehle mil hi gaye they,

to ab itne saal baad kyun miley ho?

Kuch to tha

Jo jud gaya tha,

Ab tootega,

To sirey se hi.

Acha chalo ye batao,

Kya kiya tumne in saalon mein?

Apne ghar ki khidki se ghanto baarish dekhi ya nahin?

Ek hi dhun ko puri raat gungunaya tumne kabhi?

Kabhi aisa hua tumhare sath ke khayalon mein khokar,

haath mein pakdi chai bhul gaye ho?

Dil toota tumhara?

Ya toda kisika?

Itne second,minute, ghante,din,mahine, baras...

Tum jaante the main kahin hun... 

Mujhe pata tha tum ho.

Hijr ke kitne chaand takey hain maine,

tab jaake aaj wasl ki baarish hui hai,

Par ye hijr hi kaisa hijr tha,

tumse juda hone ka ehsaas to usmein tha hi nahin,

Bas ek dard tha dil mein,

Ab kal miloge to haath rakhdena dil pe mere.

Pata nahin tumse kaise kahun,

Par ek din phir raste batne hain hamare,

Ye kuch kadam jo mere saath chalo,

bas haath thaamey rehna

Sochti hun kaisa hoga tumhare galey lagna?

Kya tumhara makhmali gehra rang chadega mujhpe?

Kya meri zulfon ki siyahi tumhari aakhon mein ghulegi?

Ab to ulti ginti shuru hogayi hai,

Aaj tum aur main ek dusre ko dekh pa rahe hain,

Kal phir waqt aur dard ki dhund dhak legi hamein,

Phir kuch nahin dikhega,

Lekin jaante ho,

mehsus zarur hoga,

Dil mein tumhare,

Kahin na kahin,

phir kisi shaam mein,

Jab badal jud rahe hon,

Naam lena mera.,.

Halke se,apni bhari awaz mein,

jo qaid hai mere seene mein,

pukar lena mujhe.,,,

My song

From lip to lip
from arm to arm,
there is always something new,
that is born in you.

The manner in which he makes you feel,
that one moment when you watch yourself,
consumed by some emotion,
like how your skin feels,
or sometimes how the world's sorrow,
decides,
to fly and sit by you,
as waves after waves crash,
in the agony of the drag that life can be.

In this sunset of realisation,
you know,
a song is buried deep inside you,
and you wonder,
if you will ever find that person,
who can hear it,
hum it with you.

An offer

My breasts are small
but enough to fill your hands
you can wrap your finger around my tresses
that curl up like my cat,
sometimes...
I have thunder thighs
your way, if you will, you can find
but the small of my back
dips like a cliff
and on a good day
you can slide down it
my hips, they rise from somewhere deep in the valley
as if all that my body was ever going to do, was childbirth.
Many a lovers have told me,
my lips raked up their demons
and my eyes...
well my eyes, they tend to do all the talking.
and as I slowly butcher modesty
let me warn you about my smile and deep dark dimples
but there are certain peculiarities the eye can't see,
like the unabashed sexy side of me.

However...

If all this is mundane
for you may have loved and lusted,
many a women with a perfect play of lines.
I can offer you the tiny mole above my lips
My love, it is home,
the door to which
you have to find.




Artwork by
Jerry Uelsmann 

BARTER

It is time to beg for mercy,
It is time to raise your arms,
and shade yourself...

The gods are napping,
the sun is angry.

Lets pray the mountains throw a cloud his way.
But a cloud won't do it,
a storm just may.

Let me flatten an old newspaper,
flap it for some air...

There are blisters underneath my skin,
it is hot outside but it is scorching within.

I burn with desire
Not lust
Not just lust
Yes I dare say its more than that.

And what has made us, the creatures of love,
whimper at even a slight mention of it.

Every eye that I gauge and eat,
is filled, not with slimy white thick liquid,
but air,
and pop it bursts under the slight pressure of my teeth.

This is not enough for me
It will never be

Barter your soul for mine,
be my pain
my ecstasy
be the one who I wake up for
be the one who sleeps in me

Let me have you,
completely.
Thats the deal
it will always be
To drown together
or float apart
you and me
just, you and me.

FIND ME!

I drink from the cup

Brimming with the pungent smell of your sweat

Electrifying my tongue

And my hands shaking like an addict’s

Find me on the flat rock, river side

My senses all pulled back with my hair

Lift your hand to mine, recharge me

Draw me out to the rumble of the river

Find me!

Take me sticky in blood

Lick the colour off my thighs

Blow the sunlight in to my mouth

And seal it with a violent kiss

The taste of my blood

I know it

The taste of you

My blood knows

Come to me from the other woman

On the wings of a butterfly

Stolen pollen

Come

Till my belly swells

Legs part

And it is born

NAZM ARAHI HAI

Pet ki zameen pe soti hui nazm

Ek din uth ti hai

Ghanton tak yun lagta hai

Kuch bura hone wala hai

Sehmi si chalti hai saans ke sath

Phepdon se hawa nikalti hai par nazm nahin

Seene ke bakse mein kaid hain

Aaj bhi kuch jumle

Jinhe bahar ka rasta nahin mila kabhi

Phir ek din wahi purana ehsaas laut aata hai

Nazm arahi hai, dil ko pata hota hai

Aur dil jab bhar aata hai

Nazm bhi hothon pe ajati hai

Ek aur ehsaas laut ta hai phir

Khaali hojane ka

Charne lagti hun din dubara

Dusri nazm ke jaagne talak.

THAT FEELING

Alone to the very bone,
Do you know what I am talking about?
you may never,
if you don't.

It's just your filth,
to roll in.
It's just your stench,
to breath in.
It's like that ache in your head,
that gives you only red eyes.

It's probably that very feeling,
that you have lost to a bad sector,
you can't recover what it was,
squeezing out of a vagina that you felt.

It's probably that very feeling,
you will never know, until you do.
and all those who you leave behind,
who are they to say,
when the lights from your eyes faded,
if you felt exactly this way.

These feelings though my own,
are feelings I'll never own.
but right now,
it's just me,
and thats probably how I came,
I stay,
and maybe, thats how i'll go.

In the meanwhile,
speculation never killed none,
but one has to kill time.
because between the knowing and the known
life will pass you by,
and even if fleetingly you meet someone,
who makes you feel less alone,
It doesn't change anything
because you know better.

SPARROW AND I

you want a rhyme
you'll get it this time

not a rhyme
it's a rhythm

yes that too

I was lying in my room
watching the roof peel away
in my head I was somersaulting
but you will be surprised
how death-like
I can stay

pretending paralysis
exhausting analysis

a little sparrow in flight
what a funny sight
especially in the balcony
that turns totally wild

once upon a time
she had a nest in my house
an old paint can
she was not a guest
and paid no rent
I guess you
can call it
a live-in

there goes my rhyme
or rhythm

and what about the punctuation marks
eh
you can't just go on
yaking about the likes
of the larks

guess what
it's my poem
I sure as hell can bark

it was a good twenty years back
when we lived together
sparrow and I
often she would hit the fans
we would bury her
in the city sands
but once I remember
she got tangled
in my sister's hair
she was just learning to fly

WAIT, hold on.
you go on
like its important
how does it even matter
haven't you seen
highway bird splatters

about that
maybe I have nothing to say
but i'll say it anyway

you wanna read
read
you think it's no good
hey
FINE

how come
you still have the energy
to be pissed
by mediocrity
make no mistake
I know
coming from where
where going to

nice try
but not inspiring
NO

write!

Read something
Feel something
and then do it,
write!

sigh!
right...
not today.

Why?
if I may...

just...
a bad hair day.

here...
I'll help you,
look outside
do you see the dim lights in the innocent fog?

I see nothing...

precisely!
He ate them blinkers.

Are you on acid?

sure...
my insides burn.

Ah drama!
probably just gas.

common,
lets try again.

ha!
like there is more you can do.

listen to me,
all you see made
is not just a thought
it is labour

and what exactly should that bring me?

an exhaustion
so deep
that your eyes shut
you fall asleep.

hell!
you boring anyway.
here
watch me sleep.
zzzzzzzzzzzzz

You

You fool
You hope!

So many turns around the sun
You ought to know better
So simple and mediocre
What will it take for you to turn bitter.

Are you anesthetised?
Your insides should explode.
So many plans on paper
You ought to be extremely bored.

If you can love
Trust me, you can hate.
Meaning has no meaning
You should drink yourself to death.

Keep digging within
Bury deep that comet,
And please don't swallow
What you ought to vomit.

Punchline

I didn't want to write a poem
I just wanted to pen a refrain
Each line a mere chore
Staking in to a stanza
For obscure ideas
I racked my brain
And then I didn't say them, like I should have.
I twisted and meandered and complicated plain crap.

In the end I realised, it was
A great find...
This, my friends, this is my punchline.

Dark times.

Rotten intestines pulsate like strings of a harp,
As the sky vomits amidst thunderous applause.

Each star is a day in the past,
The moon a dented future.

As blue in the river turns black,
The sewers are now free,
They have fought for long, a most chess like battle.
Sense that lay trapped in an ancient tree
Has too been chopped open free.

We are free
To hate
To cheat
To betray
We are free
From this cyclic pretense of nature.

Raising her own hands to her neck,
She chokes out all air
And does not let go till she is sure,
Hope was once there.

We are Sisyphus with boils on our feet and ulcers in our stomach.
Little fish nibble away, as pus from them peeps.
We are Sisyphus in his steepest, darkest descent.
We are two faced,
Sissy
And
Pus
And we sure as hell, fester.

We are only clay, water and air.
Only that.
Have we ever been human?

Has there been a single day when justice wasn't denied?

It is time
To finally kick our souls
To the very center of the earth's molten core.

No revolution has ever seen a logical end
A time to sew is past
It is now a time to rend.

But wait!
This is not what I intended to say
My pen too is wanton
And has its way.
Perhaps it is fine to be cynical and whine,
But there is more to this emotion.
Where am I ?
This is not the world to which I had opened my eyes.
Though still, I felt all this while,
Deeply and strongly as I was shred to pieces,
I felt it is just alright,
Hell! It is in fact fine, to feel what I felt,
Even if I only felt nauseatingly disgusted all this while.