Kya ab bhi rooh pe dhabbe hain?

Apne hi alfaz paraye lagte hain

Khush dino mein gham dino ke saaye lagte hain

Kya mujhse hi hokar nikla tha ye ehsaas?

Ye jumle jaane kiske banaye lagte hain

Tapakta hai har nazm se khoon

Maazi inke chot khaye lagte hain

Kya dard ye nikal gaya?

Alfazon mein dhal gaya?

Siyahi mein beh gaya?

Kaaghaz pe baaqi reh gaya?

Kya ab bhi rooh pe dhabbe hain?

Kisina kisi ke to ye khurant lagaye lagte hain...

Dafnaun kaise in hisso ko apne

Janazein jinke kabse aaye lagte hain.

Ek nazm mein dusri dafan 

Aur dusri mein teesri

Saari dafan kardun agar aise,

Baaki rahegi ek phir bhi.

Aap to samajh hi gaye honge

Ishq ke hum sataye lagte hain.

Kisi Shaam...

Aapse puchna hai kuch
Kuch khaas nahin
Kaisa tha aapka din?
Koi shaam hai jo yaad aati hai?
Kabhi tanha laga itna, ke ro diye?
Maa ki god mein letkar kaisa lagta hai?
Kya baap se koi narazgi hai?

Subha uth te ho to sabse pehle kya karte ho?
Mint hai tumhare toothpaste mein?
Bachpan mein kaunse cartoon dekhte the?
Ab bhi dekhte ho?
garmiyon ki chuttiyan kaise bitate the?
Koi school ki picnic jispe bada maza aaya ho?
Kuch aisa kiya tumne, jiske liye pakde jaane ke dar se, dil doobne lage?
Acha chalo yahi batado,
Doga ya nagraaj?
Champak ya tinkle?
Pinki ya chacha chowdhry?

Ddlj pasand hai tumhe?
Black and white tv pe chitrahaar dekhna yaad hai?
Antenna hila hilake cricket match dekha tumne kabhi?
Pehli baar hui pehli mohabbat mein chupke milkar pehli kiss kaisi thi tumhari?
Ishq hogaya tumhe, kabhi aisa laga?
Kisike liye kuch deewangi kabhi ki tumne?
Khaali paper pe kisika naam likh,
Ghanto uspe qalam phiraya?

Saal mein kitni baar bukhaar hota hai tumhe?
Ya khaasi kabhi?
Raat mein uthke paani peetey ho?

Zindagi se jo chahiye tha, mil raha hai?
Ye to life mein karna hi hai,
Aisi koi list hai tumhari?
Wo kaunsi jagah hai jisey dekhne ki tamanna seene mein liye ghumte ho?

Meri yaad aati hai kabhi?
Chuna chahte ho mujhe?
Mujhse lipat ke sona chahoge?
Mere haathon ki bani chai ,acha baba, chai nahin coffee,
...piyoge?

Kisi shaam ye saari baatein karoge?

Pickled Heart

A clean cut
Between my breasts
And the skin parts
Like labia
The cage beneath
Has been beaten against
Blow brittle bones
In black sticky menstrual clots
In slight tremors
Of a skipped beat
Sprouting from the flesh
An old withered tree
Lies
My rotting heart
Lies
My pickled heart.

Makhmali gehra...

Kal purane messages padh rahi thi

Wo jo tum mujhe aur main tumhe,

kuch saalon se bhej rahe hain.

Likha tha maine ke khwaab mein aaye the tum,

Yaad nahin ab.

Ye khwaab bhi ajeeb hote hain,

Par haqeeqat se zara kam hi,

Jab itne saal pehle mil hi gaye they,

to ab itne saal baad kyun miley ho?

Kuch to tha

Jo jud gaya tha,

Ab tootega,

To sirey se hi.

Acha chalo ye batao,

Kya kiya tumne in saalon mein?

Apne ghar ki khidki se ghanto baarish dekhi ya nahin?

Ek hi dhun ko puri raat gungunaya tumne kabhi?

Kabhi aisa hua tumhare sath ke khayalon mein khokar,

haath mein pakdi chai bhul gaye ho?

Dil toota tumhara?

Ya toda kisika?

Itne second,minute, ghante,din,mahine, baras...

Tum jaante the main kahin hun... 

Mujhe pata tha tum ho.

Hijr ke kitne chaand takey hain maine,

tab jaake aaj wasl ki baarish hui hai,

Par ye hijr hi kaisa hijr tha,

tumse juda hone ka ehsaas to usmein tha hi nahin,

Bas ek dard tha dil mein,

Ab kal miloge to haath rakhdena dil pe mere.

Pata nahin tumse kaise kahun,

Par ek din phir raste batne hain hamare,

Ye kuch kadam jo mere saath chalo,

bas haath thaamey rehna

Sochti hun kaisa hoga tumhare galey lagna?

Kya tumhara makhmali gehra rang chadega mujhpe?

Kya meri zulfon ki siyahi tumhari aakhon mein ghulegi?

Ab to ulti ginti shuru hogayi hai,

Aaj tum aur main ek dusre ko dekh pa rahe hain,

Kal phir waqt aur dard ki dhund dhak legi hamein,

Phir kuch nahin dikhega,

Lekin jaante ho,

mehsus zarur hoga,

Dil mein tumhare,

Kahin na kahin,

phir kisi shaam mein,

Jab badal jud rahe hon,

Naam lena mera.,.

Halke se,apni bhari awaz mein,

jo qaid hai mere seene mein,

pukar lena mujhe.,,,

My song

From lip to lip
from arm to arm,
there is always something new,
that is born in you.

The manner in which he makes you feel,
that one moment when you watch yourself,
consumed by some emotion,
like how your skin feels,
or sometimes how the world's sorrow,
decides,
to fly and sit by you,
as waves after waves crash,
in the agony of the drag that life can be.

In this sunset of realisation,
you know,
a song is buried deep inside you,
and you wonder,
if you will ever find that person,
who can hear it,
hum it with you.

An offer

My breasts are small
but enough to fill your hands
you can wrap your finger around my tresses
that curl up like my cat,
sometimes...
I have thunder thighs
your way, if you will, you can find
but the small of my back
dips like a cliff
and on a good day
you can slide down it
my hips, they rise from somewhere deep in the valley
as if all that my body was ever going to do, was childbirth.
Many a lovers have told me,
my lips raked up their demons
and my eyes...
well my eyes, they tend to do all the talking.
and as I slowly butcher modesty
let me warn you about my smile and deep dark dimples
but there are certain peculiarities the eye can't see,
like the unabashed sexy side of me.

However...

If all this is mundane
for you may have loved and lusted,
many a women with a perfect play of lines.
I can offer you the tiny mole above my lips
My love, it is home,
the door to which
you have to find.




Artwork by
Jerry Uelsmann 

BARTER

It is time to beg for mercy,
It is time to raise your arms,
and shade yourself...

The gods are napping,
the sun is angry.

Lets pray the mountains throw a cloud his way.
But a cloud won't do it,
a storm just may.

Let me flatten an old newspaper,
flap it for some air...

There are blisters underneath my skin,
it is hot outside but it is scorching within.

I burn with desire
Not lust
Not just lust
Yes I dare say its more than that.

And what has made us, the creatures of love,
whimper at even a slight mention of it.

Every eye that I gauge and eat,
is filled, not with slimy white thick liquid,
but air,
and pop it bursts under the slight pressure of my teeth.

This is not enough for me
It will never be

Barter your soul for mine,
be my pain
my ecstasy
be the one who I wake up for
be the one who sleeps in me

Let me have you,
completely.
Thats the deal
it will always be
To drown together
or float apart
you and me
just, you and me.

FIND ME!

I drink from the cup

Brimming with the pungent smell of your sweat

Electrifying my tongue

And my hands shaking like an addict’s

Find me on the flat rock, river side

My senses all pulled back with my hair

Lift your hand to mine, recharge me

Draw me out to the rumble of the river

Find me!

Take me sticky in blood

Lick the colour off my thighs

Blow the sunlight in to my mouth

And seal it with a violent kiss

The taste of my blood

I know it

The taste of you

My blood knows

Come to me from the other woman

On the wings of a butterfly

Stolen pollen

Come

Till my belly swells

Legs part

And it is born

NAZM ARAHI HAI

Pet ki zameen pe soti hui nazm

Ek din uth ti hai

Ghanton tak yun lagta hai

Kuch bura hone wala hai

Sehmi si chalti hai saans ke sath

Phepdon se hawa nikalti hai par nazm nahin

Seene ke bakse mein kaid hain

Aaj bhi kuch jumle

Jinhe bahar ka rasta nahin mila kabhi

Phir ek din wahi purana ehsaas laut aata hai

Nazm arahi hai, dil ko pata hota hai

Aur dil jab bhar aata hai

Nazm bhi hothon pe ajati hai

Ek aur ehsaas laut ta hai phir

Khaali hojane ka

Charne lagti hun din dubara

Dusri nazm ke jaagne talak.

THAT FEELING

Alone to the very bone,
Do you know what I am talking about?
you may never,
if you don't.

It's just your filth,
to roll in.
It's just your stench,
to breath in.
It's like that ache in your head,
that gives you only red eyes.

It's probably that very feeling,
that you have lost to a bad sector,
you can't recover what it was,
squeezing out of a vagina that you felt.

It's probably that very feeling,
you will never know, until you do.
and all those who you leave behind,
who are they to say,
when the lights from your eyes faded,
if you felt exactly this way.

These feelings though my own,
are feelings I'll never own.
but right now,
it's just me,
and thats probably how I came,
I stay,
and maybe, thats how i'll go.

In the meanwhile,
speculation never killed none,
but one has to kill time.
because between the knowing and the known
life will pass you by,
and even if fleetingly you meet someone,
who makes you feel less alone,
It doesn't change anything
because you know better.

SPARROW AND I

you want a rhyme
you'll get it this time

not a rhyme
it's a rhythm

yes that too

I was lying in my room
watching the roof peel away
in my head I was somersaulting
but you will be surprised
how death-like
I can stay

pretending paralysis
exhausting analysis

a little sparrow in flight
what a funny sight
especially in the balcony
that turns totally wild

once upon a time
she had a nest in my house
an old paint can
she was not a guest
and paid no rent
I guess you
can call it
a live-in

there goes my rhyme
or rhythm

and what about the punctuation marks
eh
you can't just go on
yaking about the likes
of the larks

guess what
it's my poem
I sure as hell can bark

it was a good twenty years back
when we lived together
sparrow and I
often she would hit the fans
we would bury her
in the city sands
but once I remember
she got tangled
in my sister's hair
she was just learning to fly

WAIT, hold on.
you go on
like its important
how does it even matter
haven't you seen
highway bird splatters

about that
maybe I have nothing to say
but i'll say it anyway

you wanna read
read
you think it's no good
hey
FINE

how come
you still have the energy
to be pissed
by mediocrity
make no mistake
I know
coming from where
where going to

nice try
but not inspiring
NO

write!

Read something
Feel something
and then do it,
write!

sigh!
right...
not today.

Why?
if I may...

just...
a bad hair day.

here...
I'll help you,
look outside
do you see the dim lights in the innocent fog?

I see nothing...

precisely!
He ate them blinkers.

Are you on acid?

sure...
my insides burn.

Ah drama!
probably just gas.

common,
lets try again.

ha!
like there is more you can do.

listen to me,
all you see made
is not just a thought
it is labour

and what exactly should that bring me?

an exhaustion
so deep
that your eyes shut
you fall asleep.

hell!
you boring anyway.
here
watch me sleep.
zzzzzzzzzzzzz

You

You fool
You hope!

So many turns around the sun
You ought to know better
So simple and mediocre
What will it take for you to turn bitter.

Are you anesthetised?
Your insides should explode.
So many plans on paper
You ought to be extremely bored.

If you can love
Trust me, you can hate.
Meaning has no meaning
You should drink yourself to death.

Keep digging within
Bury deep that comet,
And please don't swallow
What you ought to vomit.

Punchline

I didn't want to write a poem
I just wanted to pen a refrain
Each line a mere chore
Staking in to a stanza
For obscure ideas
I racked my brain
And then I didn't say them, like I should have.
I twisted and meandered and complicated plain crap.

In the end I realised, it was
A great find...
This, my friends, this is my punchline.

Dark times.

Rotten intestines pulsate like strings of a harp,
As the sky vomits amidst thunderous applause.

Each star is a day in the past,
The moon a dented future.

As blue in the river turns black,
The sewers are now free,
They have fought for long, a most chess like battle.
Sense that lay trapped in an ancient tree
Has too been chopped open free.

We are free
To hate
To cheat
To betray
We are free
From this cyclic pretense of nature.

Raising her own hands to her neck,
She chokes out all air
And does not let go till she is sure,
Hope was once there.

We are Sisyphus with boils on our feet and ulcers in our stomach.
Little fish nibble away, as pus from them peeps.
We are Sisyphus in his steepest, darkest descent.
We are two faced,
Sissy
And
Pus
And we sure as hell, fester.

We are only clay, water and air.
Only that.
Have we ever been human?

Has there been a single day when justice wasn't denied?

It is time
To finally kick our souls
To the very center of the earth's molten core.

No revolution has ever seen a logical end
A time to sew is past
It is now a time to rend.

But wait!
This is not what I intended to say
My pen too is wanton
And has its way.
Perhaps it is fine to be cynical and whine,
But there is more to this emotion.
Where am I ?
This is not the world to which I had opened my eyes.
Though still, I felt all this while,
Deeply and strongly as I was shred to pieces,
I felt it is just alright,
Hell! It is in fact fine, to feel what I felt,
Even if I only felt nauseatingly disgusted all this while.

Meri Subah

Meri subah ke haath jo zakhm zakhm hain
wo shaam aaney tak sookh jaate hain
raat aati hai akeli
chand ke sikke se saji hui uski hatheli

akhri paher mein shor sa machta hai
diwaaron pe patakhti hai raat
khaali wo hatheli

zakhm jo sookh hi jaaney hain
shaam ke aaney tak
meri subah ke haathon mein hote hain.

Old Poem

I search for myself in old poems
old poems that I once wrote.

How much information can a fossil give?
Bring down books with a thousand pages,
line up the test tubes,
fill them with colored liquid.
The chemical reaction is a recipe
follow it carefully.
and if the dust permits,
you will know the age of the dead specie.

The flickering screens will come to life,
fingers will animate,
and kids will clap,
We know how it moved, ate, mate and slept.
We will feel satisfied.

If the past is gone,
present still taking form,
and the future a dependent cripple.
What exactly is mine then,
what exactly is me?

Lets start spitting to make a pool,
one day it will flow,
it will move like the river does,
and meet the sea eventually.

Lights Camera Action
Sense will find us on its own,
an explanation will grow.

 
 

Chitr

Door pahadon ko dekhti hui ek ladki, hawa mein uska aanchal ud raha hai
kamre ki khidki se wo aata hua nazar araha hai
subha ke kohre mein koi purane ped kaat raha hai
do premi gali ki deewar se lage pehli baar ek dusre ko lipte hain, aati jaati gaadiyon ki roshni mein unke chehre ke badalte rang dikh rahe hain.
baarish ho rahi hai, kachi zameen pe gir rahi hai, keechad karti hui, aur wo abhi naha kar nikli hai, kiwaad pherne, daudkar aangan mein jaati hai, phir apne geele baal jhatakti hai.

Mita do...

Chand jaaley hain deewaron pe

Hata do aakey

Kuch aansun hain safar mein

Poch do aagey badhke

Ek jumla hai puri nazam mein

Mita do hath badha ke.

Laazim hai

Mausam ka badalna laazim hai

Naak ka behna – unfortunate

Dil ka tootna laazim hai

Na jud pana – bad luck

Raat se din hojana laazim hai

Neend ajana – bad routine

Saans aana laazim hai

Ruk jaana – bhi laazim hai