Ruin me

You enter me

Like you enter a ruin

You drag your fingers

On my time torn walls

I feel your fingertips

Their cushions pressing on my edges

You step out on to the balcony 

And light a cigarette 

You send out rings

As the sun sets on my memories

Silently you tread my long corridors 

Your steps echoing inside me

Now and then you stop

And open a door

It would seem like you are lost

But maybe you just like to wander

Here let me show you

Some hidden alleyways

So that you stop opening

Unmarked cabinets 

Where lies jealousy 

Bundled in old sacks 

Ration, I forgot I had

You will take that

One last stroll on the porch

The Chameli would lie stuffed in your pockets

The only proof of the love you stole

“I am going for a walk”

Is what you would say

And never come back home

I will stand here abandoned

As paint peels off me

I'll open a window 

To let the breeze in 

In the dust lie your footsteps

The wind will blow them away

Qabool hai

I want to tell you this

You are beautiful 

And your skin has green grass

In your eyes I see doves in flight 

On your palm flows the Nile

And jasmine lives in your sighs

Lover

Feel these concentric circles

My tongue draws

And let your chest swell like a tide

When I'll be done

You will crash like a porcelain cup

And tears will fill your eyes

Our bodies know us better 

They are ancient and wise

My passion is a flitting wasp

Your disdain a stormy night

Any moment you will turn to me

And speak from the darkness of your eyes

'aur bhi dukh hain zamane mein mohabbat ke Siva',

Rahatein aur bhi hain, wasl ki raahat ke Siva' .

Lover,

Don't be so full of light!

Let's pretend we dont know better

Let's be nice

I'll write on your bare back

With the mist in my mouth

A good bye note

A farewell ode

A little request 

Full of knowing words, so you know

I know your soul

'Yeh subh-e-azal mujhse kaha Jibraeel ne

Jo aqal ka ghulam hai wo dil na kar qabool.

Tu rah na'ward-e-shauq hai,

Manzil na kar qabool.

Yaad-e-maazi

The night of our love

Came to life

We sat on a sunlit porch

Sipping red and bitter tea

The sunset happened very slowly

And the nightingale

Of Ghalib's yet to be created tea garden

Sang in it's heated joy of imagination

And then came death

Someone left

The night of our love

a few moments back

was moaning with pleasure 

Soon it gave away it's soul.

Like a dead body

(Hands under the shoulders)

I am dragging it 

Through a thick forest

It's not stinking yet.

I'll bury it 

When I see the sea

Turtles will come next year

And lay eggs in it's grave

"I was stillborn"

The epitaph would say.

I am petrified of forgetting it

Like my Nana

I close my eyes and remember 

His beard, his spectacles

The distinct smell of his room

"Why do you have this old brush papa?, You should throw it away" I told him once.

"I am also old maybe you should throw me away too"

He smiled and I had fought back tears.

But today 

I strain to hear his voice 

There is not even an echo.

It's a ritual for the dead

It's takes more every day 

To keep them alive 

And one such day

I will have forgotten 

The night you kissed me

The night you spoke to me 

About loneliness 

And adventures

The night

That's all we had.

Artwork By Muretz 
Reference to Ghalib's couplet
hoon garmi-e-nishat-e-tasavvur se naghma-sanj
main andaleeb-e-gulshan-e-naa-aafariidah hoon
translation:
Behold, I sing in the heated joy of imagination
For I am the nightingale of the yet uncreated garden.

Thick Horrors of a Melancholic Midnight hour

When the night pours over me

Like mildly heated mustard oil

And I can distinctly hear

The jasmine 

Outside my room's door

Every bud snapping in to a flower 

The anger is palpable 

The hate, not far.

My dead cat puts his forehead to the door

And it creaks, ever so slightly 

I wait 

I wait

I wait

Dead don't come back.

My several selves

That loved and ached

That moaned and pained

My many faces 

Flushed with your thought 

My hands with darkened finger tips

That I held to your nose

And you smelled the night on them

That me will always be

seated inside a small box

With a million moths

It is easier 

Like a habit you never had

But do now

The price is still the same

Rotting of the flesh of my heart

That's pumping hard

And the raven named WHY

Calls out to the vultures 

Diseased and dying bald monstrosities 

Perfect in their ugliness 

They scorn at the thick blood 

That flows from my nose

But they wait nevertheless 

To have a taste

And I can hear them 

Chanting in a chorus

Louder and louder

We don't fear

What's still alive 

What's still alive 

We don't tear

I splatter on the roadside 

Like dark americano

Exhausted and tired

I lean on the white CP pillars

I flick a lighter, take a drag

Even the vultures won't have me!

I exhale for 8 counts.

In the night 

When I am lonely 

My bed is crowded

Lifeless bodies pile on me

Choking me to the last breath 

The ghosts don't rot

They sear

And mark me

I run through an old house 

With rotting doors

Crushing blue eggs underneath me

The birds just shriek and howl

I cover my ears

I know loss

I know loss

That's all I manage to shout.

Artwork By Saoirse Huang

DEAD END

It was a long walk

The ones that you take by your self

The ones where you hear your breath 

The ones in which you are close to answers 

Very very close

There is a song that has meaning now

And our bodies were inclined 

Sings the man

If you go

I won't even know

I won't even frown

I don't even know why

I try 

Every time 

Every fucking time

To bang my head on a wall

To scratch my nails down the concrete 

You are a coward

You are a dead end

I just want to sit for a bit

Don't worry 

I'll leave

If there is ever a window in this wall

I'll never know 

I'll be gone

I have heard stories 

Of multiple orgasms

I only have 

Multiple fractures

I am powder now

But you 

You are a coward

You are a dead end

IF YOU GO by PRATEEK KUHAD

Some people never get that

If and when I knock 

You should open 

And let me in

I am

The morning breeze

I'll find my way 

Through your unending name 

I'll find my way 

Through your indifference and mercy

An evening when the sun drops in to the sea

And the waters turn blood slowly 

I'll call it dawn

A morning when the sun arrives 

Pregnant and pale

I'll call it dusk

If you let me

I'll fill you up

With 

Black roses and sunflowers

My hair, I'll leave open

For you to feel on your skin

And I promise when I look at you 

Your insides will burn

(don't worry, I don't have superman's eyes or shaktiman's X ray vision)

There is so much

Humour in me

And a consuming desire 

To hear you laugh free 

And when tears roll down your eyes 

I'll lick them

And with the salt on my lips

I'll kiss you

And then you can tell me 

All the things that you don't 

Like what happened to you 

That makes it so easy

To walk out on someone 

You can talk to

You still have to grow up

If you don't know that's a luxury

I get you

You get me

Some people never get that.

Picture by Dick Bruinsma

Let's go back

On my body 

You wrapped your rotten guts

And my lips 

You sealed with a ruminated gum

In the dark you looked beautiful 

Like abandoned basements do

And my moans echoed in you

Our bodies travelled

But we didn't reach 

That sunlit spot 

Where you know

You'll die alone

And free

I remember holding your hand

And if you weren't busy coming 

I would have shook it cordially

Why does this frenzy

Look all but pathetic to me

When I dug my nails in you

It's not like I wanted your skin

when you looked down intently 

It's not like you could see me

On your bed lay with me

ugliness in all its beauty 

And ran down it's cold fingers on my spine 

While you kissed me tenderly

Just that once

Your eyes were shut 

And mine were locked with that thing

A black opaque dot staring back at me

Let's go back

Down that lane

Where we never meet

Even though 

we walk

Next to each other

I swear

It was fun 

And 

I would do it again

Our Bridge is on a river

That doesn't take

That doesn't give 

It's perfect 

The balance is critical 

If you tip over

You will meet the sea 

Cosmic Dance

This is the oldest poem I know 

It is about me

And you 

There is also the moon

Fluid dot in the deep blue

And I want to lick it

Carry it on my tongue

Bring it to you 

And if you stare at me

Undecided 

I want to open my fists

And send all the stars floating

But the moon is in love

With the blue earth 

He is not the only one 

Is he? 

The sun burns with lust

The earth is a bitch of course 

Twirling in the attention

So relentlessly

They pull

And release 

Each other

In this carnal cosmic dance

Do you feel it? 

On a day that was hot

Hot with his desire

The sun leaves red

A giant ball of crimson
And when the moon comes along 

Its honey in colour 

Do you feel it? 

The Convulsions of mother earth

On a night like this

I will lie naked next to you 

And you will tell me

The oldest poem we know

And when our lips meet

The stars will disappear 

The moon will become powder 

The sun will hide behind a cloud

And the earth 

The earth will stop turning. 

I am not sad.

I am not sad

I am not even melancholic

But now and then I turn transparent

And I grieve

I grieve collectively

For all the nights I have cried through

For all the mornings I couldn’t get out of bed

For all the smiles I never smiled

And all the laughs I never had

All the moments when I thought of you

You…

Who are you?

You come to me with a new person every time

And then you turn away

I can’t make you care

I can’t make you love

I can’t make you stay

I think you are broken

Into a million pieces

And I’ll never have you whole

And when the last bit of you meets me

I’ll shatter into a million pieces too

Because you are killing me

Slowly

Every time you come with another man to me.

WE LOST

                                                                     Artwork EGON SCHIELE

You are broken

I am exhausted 

Should we let this pass?

You are wounded 

I am bleeding

We'll let this pass

You walk away

I am still standing here 

This will pass

You want real

I am only fake

It was meant to pass

You are still in love

I am an empty sound

Everything passes

You lost and then you lost again 

I am lost

We lost

Was this always a lost battle? 

Was this a battle? 

I don't fight anymore 

I don't bulldoze people's walls

I am done

How would you know? 

You never asked 

You let it pass.

But I feel you inside me

Passing by

Like a bullet

Like a bat

Like a thought

I'll let you pass. 

Tere Naam

Sathi ye tere naam
Mere Alfaazon ki udhedbun
Ye aadhi raat ka jalta hua chand
Tere naam

Mere tanhayi ki siyaahi
Se likhe hue khat
Jinpe ashqon ki cheetein hai
Ye rangon ki keechad
Tere naam

Wo duphairein jo bachpan mein guzar gayi
Shaamein jo abhi aayi nahin
Aur ek wo subha ka laal sooraj
Jo saath dekha tha humne
Tere naam

Mere dard bhi tere naam
Aur wo raatein jo maine soke kaat di
Unke khwaabon ki roshni
Wo bhi tere naam

Tere khaali haathon ka khalipan
Teri awaaz mein chupa ruasa sa pal
Apni zulfon mein pehna hai maine
Mere kaakulon ke jangal
Jo tere hijr mein jal rahe hain
Unke jugnuon ki chamak
Tere naam

Wo samundar ka kinara
Jispe hum Kabhi mile nahin
Uspe aati hui lehron ki jumbish
Patharon ki cheekhein, jinpe
Waqt ke thapedo ki tarah padta hai paani
Unke geele jism
Tere naam

Dost, Azeez, Anjaan Aadmi

Mujhe nazmein kehna Acha lagta hai
Aksar dar jaate hain log
Alfaazon ki tapish se

Acha lagta hai kehna
Ke tumhe na dekhun
To rooh fana hojayegi
Acha hai
Sachcha nahin

Pagle
main to bas ek shayar hun
Meri zindagi mein naye log nahin
Nayi nazmein aati hain
Aur aise hi saans aati hai mujhe

Ab wo chauraha hai
Jahan chahe to koi baith jaye
Na chahe to apni raah jaye
Main akeli Hi baithi hun
Ab aisa shayad mushkil hi hoga
Ke tu jaaye aur main tere peeche chal dun

Yaqeen nahin manoge tum
Aise samajh aate ho mujhe
Jaise taaron ka banna
Kaise bante hain, pata hai
Kyun, pata nahin

Tumhara dar
Tumhari jhijhak
Tumhara gussa
Tumhari nafrat
Tumhare dil mein bhara hua pyaar
Jispe jaane kiska naam hai
Sab utar aate hain akhon mein meri

Par main nahin jaanti
Agar mere andar itna zabt hai Ab
Ke tumhe seene se laga lun
Aur is tarah se tumhara maatha chumu
Ke tum jaan jao
Ab bhi hai koi tumhare Yaqeen ke qaabil
Itne araamse uthaun tumhare tukdon ko
Itne pyar se jodun tumhare dil ko
Tamanna hai meri

Kya bulaun tumhe
Dost, azeez, anjaan aadmi
Mere Toote dil ko bhi to koi jode
Mere dar ko bhi to koi jaane
Meri tanhayi ka koi to humsafar bane

Sun Rise

I met a man in the hills

He was in pain, I could see

I could see through his frenzy

and the cold day he carried within

He came from a time before

Before the world was small

His hair was wavy

and smile real

I wanted to look in to his eyes

but I was scared 

Terrified that I would see

some colour of despair

I wanted to hold his hand

but he was busy strumming

As the sun rose in to the red blues

he sang yellow to me

He is special

we all know that

his light

we all can see

but the brighter he burns

the darker his nights must be

So full he is

of the little that he knows 

A child he will always be

And breathless he leaves me 

when he begins to talk

I have a sudden urge

to kiss his mouth shut

and run my fingers

through his old world hair

Tere naam ki kavita

Ye tere naam ki kavita hai
Tera naam
Jo aur naamon jaisa nahin
Atyant vichitr
Atyant anokha
Atyant nirala

Kambakht! bhulaya bhi nahin jaata
Kabhi sochti hun
Tere jism ki khushbu kaisi hogi
Aur Teri hasi ki awaaz
Atyant uljhaate hain mujhe ye khayal

Aur uljhaatein hain kuch sawal
Jinke jawab kabhi bane hi nahin
Par khwaab wo gufa hain
Jinke atyant andhere mein
Jo chahe dekhlo
Jugnu, sher ki aakhein, kankaal khopdiyaan,
Bina sawal, bina jawab

Kaisa lagta tera naam pukarna
Ek kamre se dusre kamre mein
Ya chillana atyant zor se
chakkar khate hue pahadon ke Kono se
Atyant ajeeb 

Aur jab tu chuta mujhe
Meri tez chalti saanson mein
Kaise leti main naam tera
Atyant ahista se
Atyant bikhre hue alfazon mein
Atyant pyaar se
Atyant mein

Through your telescope, my love.

In June, look West my love

Look as they find each other

Venus and Jupiter

In June, look south my love 

As we drift apart

further away

From each other

Today is the end of the month

My love

Tonight they shall kiss each other

Venus and Jupiter

Tonight we shall lie in our beds 

And not think of each other 

Fated to never speak

Fated to never meet

Today is the end of our season 

My love

Tonight the stars will celebrate 

The slow walk to a fleeting embrace 

As they put their arms around each other

Venus and Jupiter

And in the blink of an eye

They will be on their way

Putting a respectable distance 

Between each other

Venus and Jupiter

I, 

I will stare at the sky

For a few nights to come 

I will bury your name

In some constellation

You and I 

We are not like Venus and Jupiter 

In the month of June my love

We are a sad sad story 

Without a fleeting embrace 

Without a month 

Without a night 

Without a promise 

Without a romance

Without a heartbreak 

Without ever knowing 

Each other

The need for mundane love

There is a street, a cobbled one
Where light falls on your face
And we stand next to each other
Sharing a cigarette

There is a pool, dark and deep
Where you dive in
And we swim by each other
Without touching

There is a restaurant, with a special corner
Where we always sit
And I make boats of tissues
While you read

There is shade on our bedside
That keeps saying yellow
While I drift off
To the sound of your  breath
Everyday

I want to feel done
I want to feel numb
Not even guilt
For walking out on you

I want to love you
So mundane and regularly
I want to us to be so basic
A cliché, a boring story

I want to sit across a table
And not even realise
That we don't talk anymore

I want to sleep next to you
For years and years
And not be touched
Or touch you

I want you like a habit
I need you like a rotting  disease
So that I can
Break up
And move on

But for all this
I need to meet you
I need to like you
I need to love you
I need to adore you
I need to need you

ROOM IN NEW YORK, 1932    
Artwork by

Edward Hopper

Taareekh (history)

Seedhe  mein zakhm hain
Aur ulte mein veeraney
Judi hain hatheliyan ye abhi
Tootenge lekin ek din ye yaraney

Rooh ki banjar gehraiyon se aati hai awaz
Suno ghaur se ye cheekh
Sannate mein lipti hui

Mere dil ki zameen pe chorh gaye badshah kayi
Toote hue khandar
Girti hui deewarein



Artwork by
NewToolBox

To love or to lust...

On a day like this
When the heart is conflicted
To love
Or to lust
As cold breeze blows
And the clouds gather
The rain drops weighing down the sky
And you wait for that moment
When the sky will open
Like his mouth
And touch his tongue to yours
When drizzle will turn to sheets
And then to cats and dogs
For the harder it hits the ground
The closer you come to climax
Your skin soaking
And vision blurred
Or you may just choose to sit
Under the shade
As the sky opens
Like a memory
And just in a bit
You can't hear, you can't see
Anything else but that feeling
That feeling that you are all alone
And there is someone, somewhere
With a strong cup of tea
Who stares in to nothing
And feels the same
Though your heart wants to love
But Your mind lusts
And then you imagine
A day
When the sky opens
Like a flower
And high on love
You lust
As lines of water drill in to your skin
You are in your own love lust frenzy
Till then
On a day like this
The heart is conflicted.

Hula Hoop

Spread me out in the rain
Knead my back
Let me feel your weight

With the flat of your hand
Tap me lightly
Unroll my legs

And don't stop
Till I am spread out
Like a squished frog

Dip your finger in my navel
And twist it slowly
Raise your arm up in the air
And swirl me
Like a fan in the football field

Tie my legs to my hair
Make a loop
Wear me like a wreath
Twirl me like a hula hoop

Wear my skin
Drink my blood
Speak in my voice
My own words

Come to me
With all your pain
Let me waste you
In a lowly lane

Let's be the
Saddest
Most
Pathetic
Tormented
Hideous
Souls

Let's be together
Right now
Till it rains

There is no forever
Never
Ever

Rain Ruined Relationship

As the rain falls outside
On the street in front of my house
On the plants outside my room
On the empty tea cup next to the old chair
There is only one thought on my mind
You
I want to ruin this sound for you
Forever
I want to travel with you on a bed
While it rains
I want to take your face in my hands
I want to brush my lips to yours
While it rains
I want to give you so much pleasure
While it rains
I am already past when I say this
I am past us not being together
I am past pain
And this thought is my only pleasure
That this sound
Pitter patter
Turns a switch in you
That your insides ache
Every time the clouds gather
This will be my memento
My moment
When I will still be with you
After all the heart break
At this moment you can turn around and say
Woman you are crazy
Coz we haven't even met yet
And I will say
Duffer
This is how much I desire you
That I devised a plan to stay on
Because I know we will meet
And then part ways
I want you to look up at the grey sky
and think of me
I want you to see the clouds
And feel the sheets
Every time a drop falls on you
I want you to remember the taste of my lips
I want to ruin rain for you
Forever
And you can ruin something for me too
But I choose rain
Because that's how you make me feel
Like dust and dirt
Kissing the first rain of summer
I promise you
A
Rain ruined relationship
This
I promise